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Fuck you, it’s January!

As we begin our slog through the new year with what is widely acknowledged to be the worst month of the entire calendar, both in terms of movie-releases, general weather, and overall mood, it’s time to appreciate just how fucking ridiculous the year 2014 really was. It’s also time for my longtime heroes at Red Letter Media, Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman, to give us all a little reality check (or at least a different take) on the supposed “mega-movie list” of great titles coming out in 2015. The Fast and the Furious 7 is coming out —- great, I can’t wait….

Also, if you haven’t heard of RLM before, you should really check them out. They’re an independent filming company based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin who specialize in satirical film video-reviews and sardonic industry commentary. You’ll be hearing more about them and similar popular movie-critic sites (e.g. Screen Junkies) in the future from me.

Anyway, before we get all hyped about the plethora of mega-blockbusters, super-sequels, and re-retold remakes coming out in 2015, it’s important to remember than many of them can and probably will SUCK 😀 . So with that in mind, here are a few highlights:

  • Taken 3: The Takening — When one simple idea makes some moderate success at the box office, let’s make it as many times as we possibly can, or at least until Liam Neeson stops loving money!
  • Insidious, Chapter 3 — Why are they chapters?
  • The Hunger Games, Part 4, Section 2 of 2 & 1/2
  • 2015 also provides a wide variety of first sequels to some of your favorite films! If you loved these films the first time, you’re sure to love them again —- it’s the same movie, just with a “2” after it…
    • Hot Tub Time Machine 2
    • Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
    • The Woman in Black 2
    • The Maze Runner 2
    • Ted 2
    • Pitch Perfect 2
    • My brain is collapsing in on itself 😦
  • More remakes! — Terminator remake, Mad Max remake, Point Break remake, National Lampoon’s Vacation remake, Fantastic 4 remake, Spider-Man remake (starring Tobey Maguire!)….
  • Other great “original” titles like: Get Hard (starring the always-awesome and hilarious Kevin Hart!), Cinderella (live-action this time), and The Jungle Book (wait, is this one cartoon or live-action?)

Well, at least we can always count on quality films from Marvel. They’re planning their films out for the next 37 years, and I’m sure they’ll never, EVER get stale 😀

Oh and then there’s also a new Star Wars coming out, I guess.

Screenshot 2015-01-15 04.18.56

Fuck you, it’s YEAR!

 

About The Celtic Predator

I love movies, music, video games, and big, scary creatures.

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  1. Pingback: ‘Deadpool’ (2016): Review | Express Elevator to Hell - February 29, 2016

  2. Pingback: Fuck You It’s January! (2017) | Express Elevator to Hell - January 17, 2017

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